» SJC's Kanektas
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»peizhen

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»xinyu
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» hazel
» denise

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» maureen
»monica
» dorothy

i have been very busy with studies (IS).
busy? or should i say running away(slacking), and rush at the last min
tt's why so "busy" . idk . it since a long time i sit down alone and reflect about life.
feel as if i'm lost in a maze (studies, friends, wanting freedom, play, sins)
is this wad i really want? waht i need? feel so regretfull, for many things done or happened
nvr in my life, i felt tt way before . somehow or another, i cross the IS barrier, now
A's and i'm now in the mid of prelims .

and yah, PRELIMS !! sound omg . but i'm not really very concern. tt's what i should OMG about
seeing ppl freaking out at prelims, but i feel it's alright . am i really alright ? obviously NO
lots of catching up to do . whether i can get a decent cert is really a question mark
i even doubt and wonder if i can still carry on, or just let it be. do i still have tt fighting
spirit to fight on? life become quite meaningless now . other than, feeling gd meeting up with sam & gab. somehow i dun know wad i'm looking forward to. weird . feels dead .

pass by, the cathedral of the good shepherd tt day, just feel a calling to enter the church.
i have nvr been to tt church, or once when i'm very young? yah . i walked in, knelt down at
the last row and prayed . trufully speaking, it's since quite a long time tt i last prayed .
although every sunday, i'll thank God and somehow "repent" . after con camp, i nvr really doubt
His presence and the love for me . while i pray, really pray, i know he's listening . i felt lost.
asking for guidance . i feel so unworthy, but i know, i'm the child of God, no one is ever unworthy
in the eyes of His . i lost my way in my faith . it has been a long time ever since i went back to
youth . i told myself, aft i'm done with my IS, i'll go back . but no. i didn't . lots of barriers tt
prevented me from going back, fear, troubles, and idk. i want to go back, but i dun dare to move
tt step. giving lots of reasons not to go back. dumb .

i always tell myself to carry on (A's) He will be with me . He will walk me through .
but i always feel, tt there is this evil creature near me, tt "huating" to make me not doing
the right things . choosing something obviously wrong, den after REGRET . it has been a
long time .

love/hate/dislike/neutral
i realise i dun really need u . more for a friend now. have i really gotten over? should say gotten
over. or rather, it just went bland . i'm trying to be more emotionally independent. have i?
before tt, i always feel, it should be someone like u or close . but now, i realise . it's not.
the "life" i want might turn out to be not wad u like. something u will not do at all .
i think is alright, it's nth wrong. but to u is totally the opposite .
maybe, u're just this "temporary" thing now, when another person appears.
u won't be it anymore . but sometimes, it's not . i feel happy . very . by ur actions
but, is this done becos u really meant it or just to fufill the promises? idk.
** in self denial **