just finish watching ming yi guai tan . **scary** i'm scared of ghost, but the story very interesting. watch wad u say and wad u do no matter where u are. hahas .
went Top 1, to sing, kara-OK (dun know how to spell) with the two xiao di mens . it's very fun . as in really can do wadever we want inside, and nobody cares(sing/dance/scream) evidently, gab has the better singing skills . but sam also not bad . they really can sing well . hahas !! and, is free flow of drinks . and so... sing,drink,toilet,sing,drink,toilet... many many times. hahas! we took bus home, and we met with TRAFFIC JAM, quite a bad one. wrong choice, should take mrt instead -.- but still reach home quite early tml onwards, it will be all back to studies . the final stretch of this A'lvl race.
recently, u treat me very well . wad u said kinda shocked me . seriously nvr expect those from u . and i also realise, i really somehow neglected/ignore u for the past days/wks. lots of things happened, learnt to accept, understand and live with it . kinda being affected somehow. feels tt, rls/ love/ marriage is really somewhat very far-fetch . dun want to, dun dare to think about . neither do i yearn for it anymore . maybe tt's why, i chose nt to bother about u like how i always do . and yah, i admit, sometimes i really feel that i'm "entertaining" you . words from others affected me too. dun know wad am i really feeling now. just letting God and fate to decide everything.
somehow, i dun wan u to treat me tt nice. i feel weird . idk . is like, are u entertaining me? or it's really from ur heart? i dun wan u to "repay" me back . but, i believe u're sincere about it. just tt bit of fear?
sometimes, i really dun wan u to treat me like ur little sis . but it has become a xi guan bah . i dun wan u to feel bad. no "sorry" . bu xiang hui tou kan . love is willingly, is freely, is priceless. isn't it? i dun wan to lose trust,faith . i dun feel uncertainty about the status. i'm not waiting, not being stubborn also . i feel uncertain because, i dun know wad u're really feeling or thinking . u nvr let ppl understand u . u nvr let ppl to walk into ur life, to understand your heart . and for the past 1 yr? this sha da mei trys to conquer it . but i believe i do understand u quite a bit? i trust my own instincts . sometimes, i really feels tt u are hiding. finding reasons, excuses to cover up, to hide, to avoid .
"truth" maybe be rather nasty, hurtful or difficult to express. but tt's what keep a friendship, a relationship, a marriage continue for a lifetime . .tan bai.
27 September 2009 11:38 PM
Mood: tired
i think sg is really too small . town... isn't much stuff anymore . lai lai qu qu the same stuff?
anyway. it's kind of hectic day today . went to church in the morning, brunch, den back home to change meet up with tt 2 xiao di mens . and head to town =D eat,shop? hahas . and head down to tanjong pagar to collect my bridemaid's gown . need some alteration, but was collected on the spot the gowns is like huge, as in it's quite bulky to carry around de . hahas . we went to eat tao hui again!! is nice, very nice . but nasty ill mannered aunties so rowdy lah **weird**
we watch Fame, it's kinda disappointing though . the dance was nice, but the storyline, kinda not nice? i dun know how to phrase it. not very gd . the ugly truth was so much nicer . hahas!! tml going KBox! singing our hearts out, and aft tml, it's back to studies till 1st Dec.
hmm... waiting for the 2 gentlemen to online now . taking such a long time **yawn**
25 September 2009 10:03 AM
is once again . motivated . yups . hahas!! thank u, "PIG" !
going to watch movie later, the ugly truth . hope is nice . hahas!
aft pouring out some of e stuff ytd, really feel so much better . not so troubled and pek cek . hahas . but somehow the ans is still not found . but i cannot bother tt much le A'lvl first . other stuff, after that bah .
going to bath now ! byes !
22 September 2009 10:35 PM
Feeling: idk . speechless??
had my H1 math paper today . omg . it isn't easy at all . hais . hoping for a pass atleast?
Met Peirong @ Lot1 just now . she's selling mooncakes !! hahas. gt a news from her **shocked** and kind of cannot believe it is true. everyone thought they will last. but no... nothing last eventually.
love will fade, patience will run out, tolerance level will reach maximum one day i really wonder how God can do all this so perfectly humans are weak, selfish and ignorant. ytd, my mum PMS or menopause? idk but wad my dad did is to sleep and snore like a pig, like as though nth happened, when my mum was like crying outside the living room. wad a marriage is this? love? care? tolerance? lifetime? wad a marriage vow .
tt day i went to choose bridemaid gown, saw something similar, or very "wad de heck" . a woman, getting married, was choosing wedding photos for the wedding album with her future husband . she was so happily and hyper so enthu choosing the photos, while the guy just sit there with a super woper sian sian face. both of them like extreme end kind of emotions. it looks as though the guy was forced to marry the woman . show no interest at all marriage is a 2 ppl thing . it seem like he dun even feel like marrying. before marriage, tt guy alr like tt, wad about after marriage?? it's common to divorce in sg bah . divorce rate is quite high here. maybe, the money spent on wedding haven even earn back, the marriage is gone for good alr .
sometimes, guys are really like bastards? hahas . when they are bored, they will find women to pei . when they dun need them, just throw them aside? ladies? need guys' attention, flirt and seek love? i'm a girl . i know all these too . in fact, i did, doing, do such stuff before . **speechless**
i always very xian mu those old loving couple . how they do tt? seriously i cannot tolerate an imperfect marriage, neither do i can tolerate an imperfect relationship .
12:02 AM
Feels: suprised, but it's logical
went to Gab's house to study . hahas .
den his CG came over . tt da jie jie, ruiwen? issit?
i dun realli know her name . diff to pronouce . hahas
anyway, she's very nice pretty, gd CG leader too
man xi huan ta de . very cheerful and bubbly . hahas .
at first, Gab play piano and started to sing those songs,
i missed those songs so so so much ! it's like re-enlightenment?
all the LOVE, the GRATITUDE, the URGE to praise and thank HIM!
like flowing back to me . i missed serving for Him.
Gab's CG started, they are in the rm while i'm at the dinning area.
but can hear very clear what's going on inside . the songs, praises,
bible verses, preachings . omg . i missed them so much, love it.
end up i'm not really studying, but listening the the stuff she's talking
inside the room . it's by luck, i know most of the verses she used today.
i started to think, about relationship and stuff . something struck me.
we dun suit each other . religion is really a huge barrier.
i want to SERVE HIM ! i will continue to do so . but, this is something
which makes me and u different. and, actually i dun need u .
we're too far apart dun we? i need someone tt understands me, and my religion
somehow is out of surprise, or should say not very surprised, i got to know things
i'm not surprise . and i find it acceptable . and i haven been truthful, to myself,
or to others? idk. maybe u're there to keep me on to the right path. sometimes,
i really wonder, am i hanging somewhere in the middle?
actually, wad i need is very simple, love, care, concern, understanding, support.
anyone can give tt to me . isn't it . but who exactly knows all these best?
i thought u would, and so i'll stay right . but u dun . yah, maybe i hang onto u,
just to be right? hahas . weird .
gotta be strong and independent . i dun need u.
just need close, good, best friends .
and surprisingly it's them or him.
21 September 2009 1:12 AM
me: **surprised**
understand, understanding, understood u more ( friend, male, 18)
a devoted . a strong . a caring . a mature . a sensitive. a committed .
a loving . a xi xin . an encouraging . a persistent . a yong bu yan bai .
a charming . a silly . a wonderful . a grateful . a lovable . a faithful boy.
you know what to do, u only need tt "discipline" to do it . u have the ability .
you 're a great friend with a great personality. it's a blessing to know u .
and sometimes u should learn to relax and fang kai a bit.
sacrificing too much, isn't a gd thing . it's part of life .
u're a person who knows how to love and
being grateful towards ppl around u.
i know wad should i do next .
12:27 AM
i have been very busy with studies (IS). busy? or should i say running away(slacking), and rush at the last min tt's why so "busy" . idk . it since a long time i sit down alone and reflect about life. feel as if i'm lost in a maze (studies, friends, wanting freedom, play, sins) is this wad i really want? waht i need? feel so regretfull, for many things done or happened nvr in my life, i felt tt way before . somehow or another, i cross the IS barrier, now A's and i'm now in the mid of prelims .
and yah, PRELIMS !! sound omg . but i'm not really very concern. tt's what i should OMG about seeing ppl freaking out at prelims, but i feel it's alright . am i really alright ? obviously NO lots of catching up to do . whether i can get a decent cert is really a question mark i even doubt and wonder if i can still carry on, or just let it be. do i still have tt fighting spirit to fight on? life become quite meaningless now . other than, feeling gd meeting up with sam & gab. somehow i dun know wad i'm looking forward to. weird . feels dead .
pass by, the cathedral of the good shepherd tt day, just feel a calling to enter the church. i have nvr been to tt church, or once when i'm very young? yah . i walked in, knelt down at the last row and prayed . trufully speaking, it's since quite a long time tt i last prayed . although every sunday, i'll thank God and somehow "repent" . after con camp, i nvr really doubt His presence and the love for me . while i pray, really pray, i know he's listening . i felt lost. asking for guidance . i feel so unworthy, but i know, i'm the child of God, no one is ever unworthy in the eyes of His . i lost my way in my faith . it has been a long time ever since i went back to youth . i told myself, aft i'm done with my IS, i'll go back . but no. i didn't . lots of barriers tt prevented me from going back, fear, troubles, and idk. i want to go back, but i dun dare to move tt step. giving lots of reasons not to go back. dumb .
i always tell myself to carry on (A's) He will be with me . He will walk me through . but i always feel, tt there is this evil creature near me, tt "huating" to make me not doing the right things . choosing something obviously wrong, den after REGRET . it has been a long time .
love/hate/dislike/neutral i realise i dun really need u . more for a friend now. have i really gotten over? should say gotten over. or rather, it just went bland . i'm trying to be more emotionally independent. have i? before tt, i always feel, it should be someone like u or close . but now, i realise . it's not. the "life" i want might turn out to be not wad u like. something u will not do at all . i think is alright, it's nth wrong. but to u is totally the opposite . maybe, u're just this "temporary" thing now, when another person appears. u won't be it anymore . but sometimes, it's not . i feel happy . very . by ur actions but, is this done becos u really meant it or just to fufill the promises? idk. ** in self denial **
20 September 2009 11:34 PM
Mood: fulling? hahas !!
actually feeling quite tired also .
went for mass early in e morning . hahas
like today's mass . nice songs and meaningfull homily.
visit my ah ma den meet gab and sam to study
somehow, really like their presence . hahas!!
and their FANCY FREE from Sun Ho . hahas .
anyway, it's a very nice song and her MV woah ! hahas .
left earlier to meet my family for dinner @ teaochew restaurant
full !! super . now stomach a bit pain . hahas ! overall it's nice.
but a bit ex ah . is like each person around 50 bucks !!
when i saw the bill, i was stunned . hahas!! 250 plus plus .
i can buy ipod nano alr!! gosh ! and i'm aiming for the red one !!
hehes !! visit my wai po . hahas . nephew and nieces were there too
aren't both of them cute? hahas!
19 September 2009 12:08 AM
Mood : RELIEVED, Delight, Happy
Finally Finally Finally !!! SUBMITTED MY IS (cse thesis paper) WOOHOO !! hahas . it marks the end of the torture!! 6 mth plus of torture !! anyway, peeps congrats too ! thanks those who helped and supported me =D Big loves . and from this thesis thingy, really sees wad's huan nan jian zheng qing . true love and friendship !! really touched . heehees .
hao jiu mei you jing jing de xiang tong xi le . so much thoughts began to rush through my mind
07 September 2009 11:08 PM
mood: gulity/ not happy
i have been eating and eating non-stop !! feel so fat lah . surely, i have gained some weight. argh!! hardwork gone to waste alr . i will DIET, MUST diet from tml onwards . i dun wan to gain back the fats again !!
my knee is giving problems again . argh !! going to see sinseh tml morning . hopefully it will be alright . hais
04 September 2009 11:55 PM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ozp2b7nrvBQ
mood: happy- a bit disappointed
just change my blogskin !! love it =D
had my GP prelim papers this morning . firstly, i think i chose the wrong question **regret** . secondly, the P2 is quite difficult !! or is very difficult . didn't manage to complete the whole paper . hais . dun wan to disappoint mdm yaty too . so sorry =(
went swimming in the afternoon . gt tanned a bit *happy* not so fair le . hahas . had my lettuce,bacon,egg sandwich for dinner **man zhu** very nice, cos i ownself make de . hahas! lots of lettuce =D and is wholemeal bread . nice!
sometimes, i really dun understand. i can't get wad's in mind. **confused** **scared**
02 September 2009 1:50 PM
Mood: bad
wake up ealy in the morning to go to sch for CSE mock test . really dun feel like going de . hais . i'm so tired, so sleepy ! didn't really put in much effort to do also .
i finish watching the whole of ming zhong! finally . now i can focus on my studies =D currentlt @ NLB again . i look at my thesis . stare blankly . no mood to type a single word so i go find my books . sit down stare . i feel like going home all sudden, or just go out for a walk . but no . i shouldn't do tt . or should i go other places to do it? but i dun think it helps . and i think i falling ill . i feel feverish . am i having a fever? my throat dun feel right too . and i forgt to bring my water bottle **angery** i feel like sleeping **tired**
having knee problems again . left knee . now, is everyday . dun know wad to do . go see doc? see sinseh? so sick of it . but i'm worried . what is happening to it . hopefully nothing serious. all sudden miss u . hope tt u are beside me like now **headache**