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it has been a very busy and hectic week.
although it's only wed today, but i'm DYING !!!!!!!!!!
so tired. not physically but mentally. lots of stuff needa do.
hmwk pile higher and higher. CSE ESSAY OUTLINE !!!
why i take this subject in the first place?? just let me complain k
ARGH !!!! tests, and more tests.how am i going to finish my work?
doin my math now. hais

is this a joke or something? i feel weird, very.

bad mood. damn bad. dun come near me.
pissed, sick and tired . hate thursday.
where are u?? it's 10plus alr le. worrying sick.

my A'dvs season comes to an end today .
2 losts, 1 win. hahas . but i'm satisifed.
this team is new and majority are beginners.
the team really improved a lot. imagine they need
to master the basic, formations and def in less than 2 yrs
while other sch have "ready made" players .
thought we did not win, but i believe, we are winners in each and every
one of us . there's nothing to lose . we proved tt we can win,
and win in a national match .

though the feeling of defeat really sucks.
seeing yh and jy going into the 2nd round,
and there's nothing i can do to go on with them,
tears rolled down. filled with envy. who won't wan to get into 2nd round?
but i hav to resign to fate. they did their best. i'm proud of them
i did not regret choosing to play a'dvs,nvr regret to stay on.
thanks alot of u ppl de support and concern,
esp the two mentors, i had grown as a person,
a player and as a leader.

i need to take chem retest again !!! wad shit..
simply stupid, it's on wed, and i have my A'dvs match on tt day.
most prob i'll be banned from match . going to take mc on tt day
wad for keep retest when i can't even pass. i dun even have time to study
how am i going to do well for the test? even i have the time,
using 3 days to study, do u tink i can pass?? ridiculous. i still
have other homework to do, and is really quite a lot still
stupid sch. damn pissed .

my sis' newly launched blogshop @

chique_senhora.livejournal.com

pls support okie!! hahas . mainly is on dresses, diff types of dresses .
have a look . hahas . some are really not bad, is affordable and it's free size

haven done any hmwk today again . yah, no time i know,
just simply can't make my brain and fingers move. gonna do them tml.

keep wondering are u fine in there, and ur msg came . hahas .
things will get better de . it's just the start, practices make perfect .
u can do it de. hahas . u have tt strong character and perseverance.
jia you !!! takecare too . weather really horrible .
all sudden miss u alot. actually wanted to msg u, but havin a second thought, dun know u free anot, or tired? dun dare to disturb u . like why i keep fan ni or something like tt . scare tt if everyday msg u like too over and irritating. all sudden 2 weeks seem so so so slow . really hope the 2 wks just flash pass. miss u

my mum bought my childhood jelly !!
nice nice !! hahas . it's since ages i last ate it.
she bought diff type of flavours too . hahas .

ran the canal for training today . hahas.
today's training focus on all the def and formation stuff .
quite slack de . hahas . but i see how thingys goes,
it isn't very promising . quite worrying de .
i dun know how am i going to play A'dvs .
alot of worries, i scared i won't do well . ahhhh!!!
e fear is coming back . hais . how??!!!??

missing u.
though is not those to the extent of really miss.
but wondering how are u now?are u okie?
JL HOW ?!?? i can't calm down . hais! where are u?? ="( losing confidence. losing faith. losing powr. losing mentality. increasing fear. sometimes really feel like crying, bu i shouldn't right?? staying strong isn't easy.

3rd day alr . hahas . kinda weird though .
pls takecare of urself k !!

tired of sch somehow . and i really wish season quickly comes and get over it
facings alot of worries, pressure and it's draining my energy away .
it seems tt sch work and bball is pressing hard on me . but still everything needs
to go on. and due long hrs of sch days and also trainings, i dun have the extra energy
or much focus to do my hmwk . i'm doom, 4 cse essays, haven even touched on one,
i only higlighted the points for 2 essays . and tml's e deadline ! doomed .
hopefully he forgt to ask us to hand in . simply dun have the motivation to
take up the pen to write . i'm forced to. hais .

he book into army early this morning. hahas .
friends in sch keep asking me, are u sad??
hahas . okie lah, nothing to be sad about.
mayb just very not use to it, and yah, can't contact him.
cannot keep disturbing him now too. hahas .
and his hp batt needs to last till 29 april !! hahas.

very happy, just he called, to inform me some stuff,
didn't really catch wad he say about the admin 5??
hahas . buden yeah, he will be free aft 9.30pm,
and only will book out on 29 april not 26, but not bad lah,
he will book out from 29 april till 3 may . hahas !!

actually i wanted to ask quite alot of stuff de . buden,
no no, better save phone batt. if not cannot last till 29 april.
today, kept thinking, wad/how is he doing inside?? hahas
shave hair liao?? hahas !! is he doing fine??
but he sound fine to me though . takecare k !!!
i miss you !! =x really happy tt u called just now. surprised. atleast somewhat more fang xin. uhahas . takecareof urself properly. worried about ur headache "sydrome" and wrist.

omg, it's less than 12 hrs?? hahas .
yah, u going overseas ah . hahas . over-e-sea.
going botak soon. hahas . enjoy ur sunrise view
and ur blazing hot sun !! takecare !! and all e best.
enjoy ur army life . hahas . jia you !!

still have hmwk to do . hais .tired -.-

thank you for everything. not just today =D
too much to be written/express by words.
very grateful and it's a pleasure/fortune .

happy army-ing. jiayou !! hahas . takecare too
esp ur lousy wrist. goin botak in 3 days time.
dun really know wad should i say. but i'm happy.

though maybe i might miss u.but it's so much easier now,cos learnt how to let go,not letting u to be one of the factor tt "controls" my life. it's going to a challenging, tough and adventurous 2 yrs for u, takecare of urself well k. dun ying ying lai also. hahas . i promise to be a guai sister, and study hard for my A's, i'll try to reach my aims and not to drink. hahas . promise to takecare of urself too, dun ying ying lai, try to be hero or act tough ah. later ur $200 plus gone to waste. hahas . stay in contact k, not as in must everytime msg, i can't afford tt too. but just ya, stay in contact(update me k) hahas . but i'll msg u e A'dvs results, i dun know how gd/bad it gonna be.
worst come to worst, i'll break down tt's all? hahas . so u check on 27 april de night, so as to save ur phone batt, i'll update u at one go, maybe there's alot of complains/mourning too. be prepared ah . hahas !!!!

didn't do much stuff today . keep on sleeping and sleeping
hahas!! it since a long time tt i can sleep till tt late .
in e afternoon, i tried to do hmwk, but sleep again . hahas!!
3pm went for Gd Friday mass . 1.5 hrs long .

went back home, watch tv. eat dinner, watch tv . hahas!!
really dun have the discipline to study . omg .
i gt alot of hmwk . really alot !! 4 CSE essays,
each essay is like 3 pgs or more kind. 1 econs essay,
chem prac/tutorial/revision wksheet . GP ??
hahas!! can't remember wad hmwk i had .

tml morning going back to sch for CSE lesson,
8 am !! hahas . going out aft tt so friday and sat gone!
left sun to complete my hmwk . deep shit . hahas !!
i'll try to do it now =DD

i'm so so so sleepy now!!!
ZZzzzzZZ . hahas . just came back from
churches not long ago . dozing off soon .

magnus chose the 12 players alr. majority
is wad i expected and guessed correctly .
finally the 12 players are out , hopefully
they cherish this chance given, and do the best
out of it . we have not much time left .

12 players are:
me, alicia, beryl, theresa, iris, jeannette,
ling rong, angela, de par, karen, qian mei, michelle.

tml's Good Friday, needa fast . hahas .

just now, all sudden saw this:
events + responses = outcomes
dao xia le, zai zhan qi lai .
although some simple words,
but is a loud "bang" on me. hahas
really very fast. going to be 14 april soon . all sudden have e thought of also going balestier on sat too. can we? hahas.

oh yah, thanks for coming down.
although like waste ur time .

just watched e short short video took by
jeannette while we playing e match,
i realise alot of things although is just a short video
i realise my own personal mistakes too .
alot . i know le . yah, realise le.
something which i'm capable of .

had our friendly with MI today
DISAPPOINTING !!! very very disappointing.
it's not wad we should be playing . i think
everyone has that little "fear" devil inside their mind
we like playing with some bomb ball . and i'm very reckless
is VERY not a little . i didn't lose my temper, but i lose control
of my thoughts, calm, and mentalilty. i just freak out on court.
untill the last quarter, i calm down abit, doing something tt's
right. but injured my right ankle again . it's not very serious,
i think it's just some minor injury, need to recover fast .

i very disappointed with my performance. i hai le them somehow,
due to my reckless actions and decisions, i caused alot of turnovers,
and lost alot of opportunities. i made alot of big boo boos on court.
too much . i freak out again. i took nearly 30 mins to calm myself down.
i'm really sorry ppl . failed to play well, failed to lead well. one of e most
regretful match ever. lose confidence somehow, i can't do wad i could last time,
driving in and shooting isn't tt perfect abd well done like last time .
alot of "wad if" inside my mind. i know wad i want to perform,
but simply failed to do it . faith, trust, passion, yearn/desires and confidence pls !!!!
i needa perservere and fight back, fight for every ball, go for every ball
the "wants" for it where has it gone to?? buried under worries and pressure??
played badly .... forgt how bball should be played?? u can't give up !!!!!!

i can't find my chilli plaster !!
hahas . i gt muscles and joint aches -.-
hais . like some lao ah ma,
here pain there pain . hahas!!
oh, i dun know wad happen to me either,
just now dinner, when i eat rice, it make me feel
fan wei . hahas . like no appetite. is like very difficult to swallow,
dun feel like eating. haven been really eating rice as meals for
really quite a long time, mayb tt's why. phobia of rice??
hahas . hopefully not, cos now i need more carbohydrates,
cos season nearing, plus i exercise almost everyday,
needa replenish energy as much as i could . gosh
okie, me going to bed !! tml's a "BIG" game waiting for me.

i hate tuesday . super draggy day .
hahas . mr yaw was absent,so the relief teacher
take over. hahas . he's very very tall, and bulit,
having those very " basketball player" type of shape
very nice !!! and the way he talk like some shy boy type
hahas . but he dun suit to be pe teacher though,
very weird teaching method . do some weird stuff during pe

watched PJC rugby vs MI just now . hahas .
those guys were playing on the muddy wet field
so disgusting . and MI players were HUGE, and big
hahas . like bulldozers . hahas . but!! we won!
hahas. at first they didn't really played well, but
the the mid, they started to play better and score more
congrats!! and MI really produce very BIG size players,
tml having friendly match vs MI, they gt tt twin sister,
both very BIG BIG BIG size . and is TWINS .
last yr A'dvs i bang into one of them and i fall back, and she stand
firm on the ground . hahas!!

i'm worried, all sudden . lose a bit of confidence.
they really big size. wad if i can't get pass them?
NO!!! it shouldn't be the case !! i'm faster!!
i can do it !!! some encouragement pls !!
hahas . no worries, i shall not think so much.
just do my best tml . JIAYOU yeah !
remember tml 3.30pm k !!

had pe in e morning, and training in e late afternoon
hahas . ran 8 si-zhe in total . hahas!! nvr ran so many in one day
since a long long time . hahas!! today's training, all of us trained together
very obviously that j1 and j2 somehow are lack of chemistry . plus,
they just joined in, very new to the drills we are doing, and the passes made
aren't tt gd though, cos they tend not to pass in front, but somehow,
aft a while it's quite okie . not tt bad de . hahas . daphne and qian mei,
very cute, both very small size, about the same height, doing e drills together
the ball like so much bigger than their head, and like two dolls running
up and down e court . hahas . we played 5 on 5 aft tt, is a test of our team chemistry
as a whole . obviously, quite jia lat de . until magnus came in, very obvious he can lead
his tt gp better, giving commands and directions. dun know how he did tt so well

wed, firendly vs MI . yah, tt two big size twin sisters -.-
dee par most prob not going, due to doc appointment. OMG !!!
i dun wan to def tt two twins!!! they are realy huge . hahas!!
but, i wan to win this friendly, i WANT to . hen bu fu shun to tt team.
they aren't really tt gd, bu gan xin . i want to win this match, and if can win
big . it's quite disgracing to lose to such a team, unless they had improved
alot alot since last yr . i wan to win back wad we lost last yr.
but, i will control my emotion like how i did for ijc,
i will play with a calm mode,not flaring up, cos i believe that u guys
are able to produce wad we did for IJC match. we gonna do it better.
and i will play my best, all out just to win this match . people,
pls put in your 101% effort pls. and it mean quite alot to me.

okie, i had 2 essays, 1 case study, 4 articles not yet done .
and is due tml. hahas!!! dun need sleep le.
actually feel like asking u to come watch this MI match, it's @ MI, 3.30pm.is not to see u or wad. but to see us play, this team play, i think we had improved? though it might not be tt gd. but hopefully not disappointing. we did not bad for IJC friendly.just wan u to see the improvement in the j1 and 2s.hopefully it won't be a disappointing match. hopefully we sustain or play even better than ijc friendly.but i think dee par make quite a big diff still.and it's the last chance u see us play?and want u to see this team win MI, winning back wad we lost last yr, if we do have tt ability.

homework not yet done!! hahas . dun have e motivation to look at them.
really feel like going for a break . go somewhere far away, somewhere peaceful,
slow pace. all sudden thought of going holland. or some far away villages.
enjoying the scenery and the peacefulness there, strolling along the streets.
shall stop dreaming, needa go back to work .
tryingtogetoverit.it'sjustdifficult.althoughalrsixinle.butthere'sstillttrootdanglingthere.

just came back from hornets training . hahas .
tired . did quite a lot of stuff today . but somehow
my right ankle cannot take it . it hurts . hahas .
i realise, i can last as in stamina on court,
but not the strength . i can run but aft sometime,
i dun have strength to pass/lay up/shoot
which is quite bad . i dun feel tired, but just
no strength . just now shoot free throw nearly airball
coach asked me whether am i playing anot, ask me how my sch team,
wad gping. somehow really tempted me to play youth cup .
I DUN KNOW !! should i play? cos my A'dvs season most prob will end early
but i'm just afraid there will be problems with my studies . how???
i dun even know whether i'm discipline enough.
and now hornets dun have enough players again, kaiyi going
overseas to study . nicole had her knee injury which cause her
unable to play vigorous sports . another overage -.-
though i'm not any very significant/ important player in tt team,
i might not have e chances to play as long as i can in pjc,
buden it's something i dun wanna to miss . just see how things goes.

actually thought of teaching them some basic stuff,
in the end, only alicia and jeannette turn up, others can't
make it . aft tt went to mac to study . tired and just simply
can't concentrate . went back home to sleep .
feels better aft a nap. bath, get changed and went to church
cos tml going hornets training . i heard it's getting tougher,
quite worried . might not able to take it . haven been training
in tough trainings for quite a long time .

aft mass, my 2nd uncle brought me and his family to some indian restuarant
to eat curry fishhead . hahas . actually i'm like 1/3 full, dun really feel like eating
buden is very rude not to eat when he treating u and saying it's very nice .
hahas. very full . and my younger cousin, is a "she", she dares to eat fish's eyes and tongue
omg . to me is gross, she dig out e eyes and tongue and start chewing.
and i sitting beside her . hahas . super daring . and she's only sec 1, small girl.
went to my ah ma hse den home-d.

gonna go to bed soon. hmwk undone. aft tml's training must start doing.
my wai po admit into hospital . SGH, hope she's doing fine .




many people asked each other,
why u like/love this person? and,
majority will think for a while and say i also dun know
there's no define ans . love is just simple.
not taking into accord of so much things.
is not up to u to judge whether u are worth it a not,
it's just e feeling . everything doesn't matters anymore
no one will find their beloved ugly or imperfect. is just
the same thing . i'm not saying all these to oppose u or mean anything,
just typing my thoughts out .
i know very clearly, though i didn't say much,
i'm very clear of wad's happening and wad/how am i now.
cos there's no point forcing or avoiding/ ignoring.
need to face it somehow someday . just let nature take its course.
a puzzle need tt one and only correct piece to fit in to complete the whole picture,
just like couples, only the right person can fits into tt right heart. so why bother to
force one tt dun suit . no point . nth will change .

i have been awaken
i have been living in some la la lands,
it's time to come back to this cruel realistic world
just got up from a horrible nightmare.

tears just keep rolling down.
and this will be the last time tt i will tear for u
one last time, no more. the end .

a painful lesson learnt .
nvr put in so much trust.

maybe God use u to lead me back to Him
back to His side, searching back for His Love,
tt he promise me and ever-giving ever-forgiving,
accepting just for who i am . and love this beloved
daughter like how he said " I Love You" during
last yr con camp to me . though can't see and feel
Him always . but knowing wad He has done for me,
knowing tt he will always Love me so fatherly.

we won our friendly with ijc today .
initially i thought it will be a tough match,
cos ijc lost toyjc by 10 over points,
which is not bad . but somehow, they aren't at their
best i suppose . dun seem to be like how their standard
should be . didn't realy played very wellor bad though.
is like neither here nor there, i believe i can do better
or the team can do better?? but i dun know why,
when i won this match,i dun feel tt success or the happiness
i felt last time when i won those matches. i just dun seem to have
any feelings about it . neutral . is it a gd thing??
or i got used to losing till i forget how it is to win??
dun think so bah . i dun know .

u just torn it into pieces. speechless
i know surely there's a reason behind it,
u refuse to say anything at all.
i just wanna know WHY?
u just broke all the promises.
did it on purpose. dun believe u are so hard hearted
really dun believe . wad about the things u said last time?
just said it due to tt moment of feel and thoughts?
just said for the sake of saying?
get colder and colder each time .
u chose to, not tt u are .
always has been my pillar through e times of difficulties
esp leading this team . seem like i just lost this pillar, though
i had learnt how to not reply on it. but i not wan nen de,
u understand me the most, u know this team well,
being the one tt is most helpful for me . it seem tt
really standing out there alone .
is nt the jl i used to know? now u dun even seem to treat me like ur sis. like ignoring, no is like avoid to the max. not even like a bro anymore? i dun put any hope anymore. but why can't u just do it the last time, one last time? just to really see u and talk to u for tt last time. i believe u won't even talk to me aft u enter army . the 2 yr thingy will become some sort of bullshit, non existence. wadever u said, or promise will become bu chun zai alr. i know, i knew it.

dun know wad to do . so be it le. i'm lost somehow
i did my part, there's nth i should feel bad/ gulity about
no matter wad's e outcome, i do my best, and tt's for my
own sake, and just myself .

so thankful this week ending soon.
it has been very tedious, i want a gd night sleep
tml having our first frienfly vs IJC
one word i feel about the team: unprepared
it's very obvious, dun even has a solid 3-2 def
it will be a gd gauge of our standard and e A'dvs
if we lost 30 over points to IJC tml, we're doom
by right, it should be quite a close fight, but,
if we can't even put up a close fight tml,
it shows tt our standard is far way behind A'dvs
and people it's time to wake up

i'll play with a calm mood hopefully IF it is within my control
and i won't say much cos tt's will be a better guage how well
e team can perfom. and tml's match will show everything.
how well e team can perfom, and how strong is e team's mentality

tired . hahas . it's a long day in sch .
gt back my H1 math CT paper, can't really say badly done
but 15 marks worth of careless mistakes O-M-G
i gt D for H1 math, if i gt tt 15 marks, i had alr gotten A??
hahas . very very very careless -.-

had training just now. and it RAIN -.- didn't train
much stuff though . more of physical than tactics
den to church for confession . back home

disappointed.i believe i made a fair judgement from diff angles of views
and thinking/consideration. somehow it seem to have no effect i believe.
nth's change.if is really the case, so be it.i'm not a superwoman.
korkor,i faced difficulties.dun dare to bother u.i dun want to rely on u so much.cos is my own team,not urs.but i'm really veri diappointed and dishearten.cannot ren anymore.i dun understand why aren't they really working hard for A'dvs.there's so much stuff not yet learnt and practise.but they simply dun understand.WHY??!!really need someone i can go and cry it out to.heartbroken by their attitude.they dun understand how much A'dvs mean to me.it seem insignificant to them. mag says i shouldn't just look at things from my own view,saying i demand too much from them.but from these past few trainings,it dun seem tt way.simple layup simple passes can't even be done properly even without def.laughing and jokes,running for warm up can even run slower than e J1s.effortless.complaining tired and stuff,wad is this?!since when playing bball is so easy.i got sick before,i dun feelwell before,i injured b4,but i still continue to train last time,why can't u all?is the mentality seriously.some like having this "try" mentality still. how?really heartbroken,heartpain.disppointed.feel like leaving,but it's giving up.i dun wan to give up.is tearing inside, but i have to put up a face tt's strong and doesn't matters.it sucks